You might be in the wrong line of work

The Sixth Circuit seemed nothing short of stunned last month by a federal defender’s decision to file a letter he wrote to his client in lieu of a sentencing memorandum. The letter was so thorough that the prosecution relied exclusively on it at sentencing, and the court of appeals quoted it at length:

My duty now is to try to write a sentencing memorandum on your behalf. I knew this day was coming and I knew it would be a difficult task, but for the first time in my two and a half years of service to the Defenders Office, I must admit that I am completely stymied (i.e., without a place to go). There is not one thing about your situation that lends itself to a positive thought, save that you have a good work history.

You are clearly an alcoholic with either no ability or desire to quit drinking, for, surely if you wanted to or could, you would at least do so as a means of staying in this country. … At some point either you will stop consuming alcohol on your own, or you will develop cirrhosis of the liver and you will die a slow, painful, horrible death. And then you will be done drinking for sure.

The problem is that for the rest of society, in the meantime, before you stop drinking, one way or another, you will continue to drink alcohol to excess and then drive motor vehicles. You have five convictions for drunk driving. By the grace of God, you have not been involved in a serious accident. Unfortunately, it is only by that divine intervention that that is the case. And every time you take the wheel either impaired or completely inebriated, you defy the odds. It is only a matter of time before you kill or seriously injure yourself (perhaps that is your goal). The concern for the court, I, and the rest of society is that you are more likely to kill, maim, or injure some innocent driver or passenger in another vehicle or a bystander. There would be no recovery for that victim or family. There would be no mercy for you.

And then there is the overriding problem to all of this. You are not supposed to be in this country in any event. I am not talking about just coming here without documentation to earn a living that you could not earn in Mexico. I am talking about the ordered deportation of you on at least two occasions.

…

I am truly at a loss to figure out how to explain to Chief Judge Bell that somehow or in some manner, he should not treat you most severely. Perhaps before the 11th of April you will have formulated some statement or some explanation (that has completely escaped me) in the face of these facts. Your action returning to the U.S. in 2007 was wrong. Your drinking and driving upon that return (and to return to this district as well) is just plain stupid.

I am sorry to be so blunt, but I have to be honest with you, your case has left me without an expressible empathy. For this I am sorry because it leaves me almost unable to advocate on your behalf. (I say “almost” because as you are one of God’s creatures, any person can advocate for mercy or lenience premised upon your basic humanity. But that job is a tough one, made ever more so by your conduct.)

Having a lawyer like that probably saves a lot of time. What makes proceedings take so long, after all, is that most lawyers bend over backwards to see things from their clients’ point of view. Just venting your own personal opinions in open court streamlines all that dickering and back-and-forth that can so gum up the justice system. The Sixth Circuit affirmed the sentence, including an upward departure. Oh, it also invited a habeas petition.